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If I Had a Shotgun

from Never Wanted to Be Cool by Thick Red Wine

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about

i didn’t like this song very much at first but it grew on me. i love the version that came through on the album.

the songs i’ve written in austin are still strange to me. moving here was a long period of not being grounded. no close friends or family within 17 hours. shitty job for a while, lots of alone time walking around the city thinking about stuff.

it’s one of my most rambling songs on an album full of that kinda thing. but it also stays self-reflective enough to hit you with some concrete images.

i do think guns are too often just dick-measuring-sticks for a masculinity stereotype that will hopefully die out. i don’t know how to drive a stick. i am writing a book and it will make you cry and make me cry and we will all cry together. and i do feel like my words mean little in the grand scheme of things but they are my only weapons in the fight to not get swept up in a world full of chaos and noise.

lyrics

If I had a shotgun I bet I’d barely ever shoot it
Cause I wouldn’t know how to use it
But I’d still like to feel it in my hands
Pretend that I could ever really give a damn
About what people think makes a man

And if this world is broken I don’t know who’s gonna fix it
I can’t even drive a stick shift
Most months I am barely making rent
Wondering if college was money well spent
I don’t know what I’d do without my friends

All my ifs and whens
Wrong turns, detours and dead ends
One long and winding road
Not sure where to call my home
But I’m surviving

And if my best friend josh was here I’d kiss him on the lips
It’d be like in a script
From a film that would have got shelved in the fifties
We’d both be swigging beer, maybe plastic bottled whiskey
Josh is far from here but when I sing this song he’s with me

And if I found a girlfriend, I don’t think that it would last
My life moves much too fast
And I have trouble putting all that faith
In the type of love that lasts too long anyway
Mostly I just stay away from pain

All my ifs and whens
Wrong turns, detours and dead ends
One long and winding road
Not sure where to call my home
But I’m surviving

If I write a book, well you will know too much about me
There are some things I share proudly
But they pale next to the things that make me scared
The things that keep me up at night alone in disrepair
Broke and battered but I do not care

And if this song is over, this world will not be much different
I still sure as hell won’t fit in
My songs are just a way to pass the time
Shedding skins of past selves I’d rather leave behind
These words don’t count for much but they’re still mine

credits

from Never Wanted to Be Cool, released February 26, 2013

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Thick Red Wine Seattle, Washington

anti-folk-punk-indie-rock noisemaker. supporter of DIY communities, marginalized voices, burrito diets

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